As we grew up day by day, time goes on, not to hold back for anything nor anyone. Things change so do people. Life isn't what we ought to be. It isn't easy to be human; to face all the critical and still be able to fake a smile, pretending you're alright.
To be honest my college life started pretty fantastic at first. As life goes on, life gets tougher. It's still fun, but sometimes things just drown you into depressions. Work, studies, dramas, feelings. I could say feelings are like the number one killer in life which will affect who will you become and make life decisions.
I don't talk to people. I only talk to certain people that I feel comfortable with. And the problem is, when you care too much, you started to feel apart, abandoned and it's just like they don't care anymore. Yes, I drown myself with really emo songs lately and just cry myself to sleep almost every night. Memories are haunting me and information are choking me up. I admit it. I'm a girl. I get jealous when people get too close with my stuff. Now I'm not talking about boyfriend here. I'm talking about my friends. I miss my high school friends so much. I take friendships seriously and all I ever do is just sitting there, wondering if they ever feel the same way. Because most of my friends are like different gender so I can't really read their minds. The funny thing is, I do get mad when people get close to my friends. I tried really really hard to be a nice friend. I can't. I just wanna be myself. I wanna be left alone. I'm so stressed out by controlling what I should and shouldn't think or feel.
I know this is just part of growing up. I know everything's gonna be alright soon. So I say, just let me cry a few days more. Eventually I'll get better. Well back in the days when I'm not that mature yet, I'd find someone to talk about it. I do wish I have someone to talk to. We always have someone to talk to, we just don't know who to trust anymore.
Sometimes I wish life can be just as easy as today's story. Today while I was working at Juiceworks, a little boy came to buy a drink and I saw his brother and sister so I decided to give him another drink for free, so that they can all share together. You know, when you do kind, kind will come back to you. I mean, I didn't want anything in return. I just wish that the good things I do, even the little ones can inspire people to be good and spread the kindness to the world, to end world war. Maybe life isn't easy as we think it'll be. But if you can't find a kind person, be one.
I just wanna let myself to be free.
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